kickin' it really old school

Oh my, how I do love McSweeney's. Their random lists generally give me something to giggle at and make my day a little better, but this list I read today was so spectacular that I had to share. (c:

RAP LYRICS OF THE (17)90's
BY CHLOE FILSON

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"To an extreme degree, I have amplified my voice and thus my sentiments—much as a vandal might."

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"Would that I were of greater stature, and could participate in the frivolities of the future."

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"The music I have created resounds loudly in my ears, causing me to offer a brief prayer of gratitude for the blessings given by my Lord and Saviour."

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"At one time, whilst reposing at my leisure—indeed—what, ho! I beheld that which did not accord with reason."

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"Before you are the mechanisms of amplification, and the amplification process is underway. Let us not squander our time; I urge you to appreciate the verses, herein amplified, which in their melody and metre naturally provoke jumping. Thus, jump, as you will."

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"I admit to a predilection for certain female attributes—to put it precisely, yet with due regard for delicacy, the buttocks. You other fathers shan't deny it."

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"Birthed and reared in West Philadelphia, the days of my childhood and early youth were spent in the wildernesses just beyond our village, where my companions and I passed many an hour roaming free and frolicking, oftentimes playing ball sports in the proximity of the schoolhouse. I recall a certain occasion on which two wastrels came upon us, interrupted our pursuits, caused a general ruckus, and incited a fray. Upon my honour, had I not been bested by these mongrels, no doubt my loving mother would not have laid her heavy hand and decided my future in such an immovable manner as she then did. Her words, as I recollect, were 'Get thee to Bel Air forthwith, where you will live with your aunt and uncle in peace, and whence you will return only when you have become a man, noble as any other.' Alas! What choice had I, but to summon a cab and depart from that dear childhood home? How strange it was to see that the approaching buggy appeared to be painted with nonsensical lettering and festooned with the symbols of gambling and sin. Yet I disregarded it and considered it a rarity. 'To Bel Air, if you please' said I to the cabbie as together we heaved up my trunk. At perhaps seven or eight of the clock, after some hours of evening travel, the buggy came to a halt at the entrance of a grand house. After bidding the driver farewell, I regarded my new lodgings. Here would I be educated. Here would I learn my place in the family. Here would I reign, in a sense, as the new prince of Bel Air."

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"Huzzah! There it is."

1940s color slides

These are cool; color slides from the 1940s

Check out the real life Rosie the Riveter...image #66. That's pretty badass.

.football.

Some fantastically amazing shots from the Big Picture of the World Cup...they are extraordinary whether you like soccer or not. I love love love love love the last shot in the series.

2010 World Cup comes to a close - The Big Picture - Boston.com

070810

...

there will come a time, you'll see
with no more tears
and love will not break your heart,
but dismiss your fears.
get over your hill and see
what you'll find there
with grace in your heart
and flowers in your hair.

...

M & S

Unpopular Proverbs

If your sense of humor is anything like mine (or your name is jill), you'll enjoy Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs by the geniuses at McSweeny's.

Here's a little taste:

MOTION.
A rolling stone gathers no moss. Except for briefly employed 1962 Stones drummer Tony Chapman, who used to like to take long walks through the Lake District and gather moss, lichen, and algae samples. Huge moss gatherer.

RECIPROCITY.
It takes two to tango at the Tuesday-night beginning dance class at Walton Community College, unless you don't have a partner, in which case the teacher will match you up with one, but then you'll feel like a total loser who's there to meet other singles and fill up your Tuesday nights and not really because you want to learn the tango—and Tuesday's a pretty good night for TV now, so just stay home and paper over your loneliness with two straight hours of Glee.

NECESSITY.
Necessity is the mother of Invention, but the two have had a strained relationship ever since Necessity snubbed Invention's wife, Creativity, by not sending her a separate Evite to the family reunion, so when you meet Necessity, don't start off by saying, "Oh, you're Invention's mom!"

STOICISM.
There's no use crying over spilled milk, unless you're stranded in a desert and that milk was your only remaining liquid, but even then, the crying may further dehydrate you and the salty tears will find their way into your mouth and exacerbate your thirst, so, on balance, it still makes sense not to cry.

UNITY.
A house divided against itself cannot stand. Wait, I forgot about duplexes. Duplexes are the exact literal definition of bifurcated housing. God, I can be such an idiot sometimes.

DECEPTION.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me three times, and we're probably playing the party game "Yes, Foolin'!" in which players rack up points to become "Fool of the Hill" by fooling each other shamelessly.


For more awesomeness, click here

Hu.larious.