So, as you all know by now, the mom and I made it into MA by last Friday without any major snafoos. But to those of you interested in the details of the trip, well then….you get a blog. (c:
I thought it’d be cool to mark those “important” moments on the trip by taking note of the mileage on the odemeter (kind of like a stardate for you star trek geeks). And of course, “important” mostly means amusing or ridiculous or “look, we just passed into another state”. Also thrown in are some revelations/conundrums/general wonderment. Hope you’re not too confused.
Some of these may be a bit ambiguous, but I hope they’ll be at least mildly entertaining….
59600: We start the journey east on 76. Albeit, quite later than expected…but we’re girls, give us a break.
59684: Fields of yellow flowers as far as the eye can see.
59701: The road is quite ridiculous and we wonder where in the world our tax dollars are going.
59877: We spot an elderly lady totally jamming in her car. We make suggestions as to what it could be that she was getting into. Gangster rap, maybe.
59877: We finally see our tax dollars at work…on the other side of the highway.
59891: Port-a-potty in the middle of nowhere. When you gotta go, you gotta go.
59894: Potty break #1 (trust me…it was significant). Plus, a gigantic ice-cream cone. Heck yes.
And to make the stop even better…we spy a dead bird.
...it was no coincidence that I was wearing the fantastic shirt that whitney gifted to me as a going away present. seriously. best present. ever.
59895: We are mooned by a hitch-hiker. Well, technically we were plumber-cracked by said hiker…hey mister, most people just use their thumb.
59897: I begin work on my right arm. That is to say, I stop driving and start tanning on the other side. My left arm was getting a little red.
59898: Reposition of the butt-cheecks. That should be fairly self explanatory.
59899: Nebraska State Line.
59989: Hugegantic cross.
60077: Building in the middle of the freeway…that turned out to be a bridge.
60135: Crazy cool moon.
60235: Giant outlets. Need to plug something in?
REVELATION #1: Nebraska is not that bad…
60274: Iowa State Line.
60318: Modern Rest Area. As opposed to the Archaic Rest Area?
60368: Stuart the giant propeller. No kidding.
60385: De Soto, IA. Where John Wayne was born. Who knew?
60425: Des Moines…could be worse…could be Kansas.
60432: Creepy gigantic billboard: “JESUS the Adult Super Savior”
……okay…..awkward much?
60439: PT Cruiser starts riding us like a 2 bit whore. Seriously, jerk…get a better car if you’re going to be an ass.
REVELATION #3: Iowa is pretty…you just have to get away from Des Moines.
60453: Kellog?? Like the cereal?? Must know….need more crap in head…
REVELATION #4: Iowa = Land of “corn towers”…also known as “silos”…just don’t tell Steph it’ll just confuse her.
60487: Sign: “Belle Plain What Cheer Center” ….what????
CONUNDRUM #1: If Cowboys wear cowboy hats…what do tiger trainers wear?
REVELATION #4: Since tigers are mesmerized by shiny things, then Sigfried and Roy must have invented the bedazzler to make tiger training easier…Therefore…Elton John would make a great tiger trainer.
REVELATION #5: Iowa City: Where the old people gather (easy on the spices, Chuck)
60589: Illinois State Line
REVELATION #6: Hiding things in your shirt is a bad idea.
60757: Indiana State Line
REVELATION #7: Illinois is not impressive…and it stole my shoe.
60765: Child molester alert. Seriously, a freaking huge billboard with a picture of a sexual offender.
60862: One more for the po-po…another large billboard informing us of what a child molester looks like.
60862: Bright moon + low fog = beautiful.
60914: Ohio State Line
REVELATION #8/ CONUNDRUM #2: If there are so many trees in Ohio, thus extra oxygen…than why is everyone so slow?
61076: We realize that the lady at the Holiday Inn was lying when she said that Toledo was “right off the highway”…unless it moves at night.
61090: Holy Toledo! We’re in Cleveland!
61092: Holy Toledo!! We almost died just then!
REVELATION #9: The one on the right is the accelerator
61125: Old men. We make a stop in Akron, OH and stay with my grandpa and my uncle.
...they had cute kitties.
61132: Something’s afoot at the Circle K…and it ain’t speed.
61144: Stupid yellow jeep lady.
61148: Boycott the rest station!!! Semi’s are people too!!
61169: Stupid birds.
61191: Poor Bambi
61201: A clean rest area. What a concept.
61236: Pennsylvania State Line
61283: New York State Line
61313: Mom mistakes a curb for a driveway and blames Dunkirk.
61315: I pledge allegiance to the…mobile home?
61335: Apparently the world goes dark when you use your windshield wipers…or at least NY does.
61390: Niagra Falls: A good place to poop.
61398: We are flipped off by a jack-ass. Yep. We’re in NY.
61659: Amazingly large…and orange…moon.
CONUNDRUM #3: If Canada is ours to discover…then why do we need a passport?
61689: Need a vacation? Let’s go to Slingerland!!!
61720: Free highway!!!!!
61728: Awww, CRAP!!! It only lasted 8 miles.
61729: Massachusetts State Line
61748: Apparently MA is low in sodium…it’s MA light!
61755: “Now entering Blandford”…thanks for the warning.
61793: Massachusetts is nice and the toll booth guy is rad.
61844: Just realized that we’ve driven about 20 miles and didn’t record the journey’s end mileage…but don’t blame us, we were confused by the rotary.
We am here.
And just because I love you all…well, maybe it was because I was bored…but here are the new slogans for each state we drove thru. Minus Colorado…you all know Colorado.
Disclaimer: these are journey specific. Some of these are perfectly lovely states, I’m sure, but not all of them were for us.
Nebraska: Not as bad as Kansas.
Iowa: Silos. It’s where they go.
Illinois: Are you kidding me?
Indiana: Get your change out, girls.
Ohio: We’ve got oxygen…and we don’t believe in signs. Or driving well.
Pennsylvania: I hardly knew thee.
New York: Stop it with the tolls already!
Massachusetts: It’s about damn time.
