.hoping to find.

so i'm a little worried. i'm really freaked out about meeting people/making friends when i go to school. maybe i'm complaining about this too much, but it seems to be my biggest fear at the moment.

those who know me, know i'm bad at making friends. and those who don't know me...well, just take my word. i'm bad.

once i get to know people it's all good, but it takes so much time for me. i'm only going to be around my classmates for 10 months. not sure what i can accomplish in that time.

and on top of this, i'm going to be by myself for the first time in my entire life. no friends. no family. not even a minor acquaintance. who knows...maybe this will be something that i need and that will be good for me and get me to a place that i need to be, but it scares the hell out of me.

i have an inherent distrust of people. i think it comes from being a pastor's kid. of having your life examined and judged and critiqued when you're still in grade school. maybe building walls are an expected response to that. i don't know. maybe that's just an extreme reaction.

i've always thought the most fair thing would be for everyone to assume people are trustworthy until they prove you wrong. sadly, i've never managed to treat any new relationship that way. i always assume people are untrustworthy until they prove differently...and then because i'm automatically untrusting, it can be quite difficult for anyone to prove their trustworthiness.

sometimes i wish i could just flip a switch and be different.

wake me when it's springtime in heaven

Dustin Kensrue...you are a genius.

for those of you who don't know...Dustin Kensrue is the lead singer of the band Thrice. he recently made a solo album that is nothing at all what you'd expect from anyone associated with Thrice. just bought the album and was completely (albeit, pleasantly) surprised. and now i just can't stop listening. the lyrics are raw, beautiful, honest...

closest thing to johnny cash since....well, johnny cash.


I Believe

Seen your face in every child that smiles
And I can't help but rejoice
And I've heard the song called thunder
But I knew it was your voice

Touched the holes in your calloused hands
Stuck my fingers in your side
oh I was six-feet-deep in doubt but
Now I'm sure that you're alive

And it's safe to say we'll never know everything
still blessings we receive
And it’s safe to say I really don't know a thing
still I choose to believe

I have smelled the scent of angel sweet
Floating in the summer air
I have breathed in deep the incense
While the saints send up their prayers

I have tasted now I see
Oh I see that you are good
And I have ate your perfect body and
I have drank your blessed blood

And all the answers that I find
Only take me so far down the line
And the tracks always give out
yeah it's a leap from the lions mouth

put that in your pipe

sorry for the ambiguity of my last post. i had a lot to say, but sometimes this forum is difficult. i don't share a lot with the "general public"...i prefer to keep most of my issues within the confines of the small group of people i trust. but, i really needed some way to vent without revealing a lot. the song lyrics that i used really reflected how i was feeling and i'm a big proponent of using other people's words to convey something i couldn't otherwise do on my own (as long as ownership is given, of course)

and continuing along those lines, it made me think of the amazing talented people that i'm surrounded by. writers, artists, musicians...all unique and they all inspire me to do more.

so that's what this here blog is about. showcasing my friends. (c:


a selected poem from Gabe
http://typinghurts.blogspot.com/2007/06/its-lonely-in-my-brain-words.html
he has a way with words that seem so effortless.

selected short from Cuyler
http://yarnfactory.blogspot.com/2007/04/daily-dime-pun-is-rare-medium-well-done.html
his creativity scares me sometimes. in a good way. (c;

selected poem from Mandee
http://www.writerscafe.org/poetry.php?id=96858
her intelligence belies her age.

art from Danielle
http://umbrellajane.deviantart.com/
my ever so talented cousin. sometimes i wish i had gotten that gene. (c:



a short from Todd
http://initialdraft.blogspot.com/2007/05/daily-dime-tavern.html
i'm envious of his ability to take you inside an "ordinary" situation and make it interesting


music from Jason
http://www.myspace.com/jasonstockermusic
really...could i say anything that would do this justice? probably not.


podcast started by Cuyler, Arthur and Robert
http://pipesandpints.mypodcast.com/
interesting. funny. thought provoking.

this is just a small example of the talent that i am surrounded by. lucky, eh?