so i'm a little worried. i'm really freaked out about meeting people/making friends when i go to school. maybe i'm complaining about this too much, but it seems to be my biggest fear at the moment.
those who know me, know i'm bad at making friends. and those who don't know me...well, just take my word. i'm bad.
once i get to know people it's all good, but it takes so much time for me. i'm only going to be around my classmates for 10 months. not sure what i can accomplish in that time.
and on top of this, i'm going to be by myself for the first time in my entire life. no friends. no family. not even a minor acquaintance. who knows...maybe this will be something that i need and that will be good for me and get me to a place that i need to be, but it scares the hell out of me.
i have an inherent distrust of people. i think it comes from being a pastor's kid. of having your life examined and judged and critiqued when you're still in grade school. maybe building walls are an expected response to that. i don't know. maybe that's just an extreme reaction.
i've always thought the most fair thing would be for everyone to assume people are trustworthy until they prove you wrong. sadly, i've never managed to treat any new relationship that way. i always assume people are untrustworthy until they prove differently...and then because i'm automatically untrusting, it can be quite difficult for anyone to prove their trustworthiness.
sometimes i wish i could just flip a switch and be different.
1 comment:
I'm not going to lie to you... it's hard moving to a new place but think about it, everyone there is in that same mindset for you at least, not for me here. But really what I want to say is that you are going because God wants you to go...be open and responsive to what He's got you there for. THis is your time to flip that switch, if you want to be different, be different.
More in detail in an e-mail about how I have done that here but for now just know that I'm praying for you!
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