.no.vember.

have you ever lost a friend? or watched a friend fade away?
i don't like it. it hurts like hell.

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so i'm waiting for this test to end
so these lighter days can soon begin
i'll be alone but maybe more carefree
like a kite that floats so effortlessly

i was afraid to be alone
but now i'm scared that's how i like to be
all these faces, none the same
how can there be so many personalities
so many lifeless, empty hands
so many hearts in great demand
and now my sorrow seems so far away
until i'm taken by these bolts of pain

but i turn them off and tuck them away
till these rainy days that make them stay
and then i'll cry so hard to these sad songs
and the words still ring, once here, now gone
and they echo through my head every day
and i don't think they'll ever go away
just like thinking of your childhood home
but we can't go back, we're on our own, oh

but i'm about to give this one more shot
and find it in myself
i'll find it in myself

so we're speeding towards that time of year
to the day that marks that you're not here
and i think i'll want to be alone
so please understand if i don't answer the phone
i'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
until i can see nothing at all
only particles, some fast, some slow
all my eyes can see is all i know, oh

but i'm about to give this one more shot
and find it in myself
i'll find it in myself


...Orenda Fink & Maria Taylor...

because!! a ho's gotta have a pimp!

tonight my friend scott came over for "one last dinner" (he's leaving for the army tomorrow) and he was blessed (or cursed) with a myriad of romine stories and humor. living as close to colfax as we do, we had to talk about the wonderous things one sees on colfax...and, of course, by "wonderous" i mean interesting....and by "interesting" i mean strange. we talked about some of the "interesting" characters one would see on colfax and my mom said that she'd never seen a pimp. my dad replied with a "well there's gotta be pimps!". to which my mom replied "well, how could you tell?"...and to that, my dad replied "because!  a ho's gotta have a pimp!" classic.

good times.

it was really nice to have scott over and to just have a relaxed night with good food (thanks mommy) and lots of laughs. it's so good to see him happy about what he's doing and where he's going, even if it means that i won't get to see him for a long time. )c:

it's just reminding me of all the changes that are on the horizon. little alicia is leaving in less than two weeks...but i'm so excited to see her off to put her talents and passions to work. then i'm going to have to say "good-bye" to work the end of july. and finally, "good-bye" to colorado in august.

oi.

it'll be strange.

but good.

bittersweet is making a whole lot of sense right now.

.alpha. ...again.

in an attempt to keep separate my "daily dimes" and my "regular" blogs, i thought i'd use my nifty little blogger account.

here is my first attempt at regularity...

i'm a little nervous right now. i'm waiting. i don't like waiting. it feels like school is coming up so quickly, yet it still seems like it's so far away. i'm still waiting on my loan and i'm praying that it goes thru easily and quickly. i'm also a little leery of leaving my family. i sometimes feel like i'm leaving my mom hanging, but she is the one who has encouraged me to do this more than anyone else. i'm also scared that my dad is just going to get worse and i'm not sure how i'm going to handle that being so far away and being unable to help.

along with that apprehension, i'm in this limbo stage where it feels like i shouldn't be allowed to meet new people since i'm leaving in a few months anyway. however, i did go with Chels tonight to a small group thru Grace. i went not knowing what exactly to expect and i went with a closed-off attitude. but it was actually good. i did meet some new people. and it think it was good for me. i stepped a little outside of my comfort zone and Lord knows i need to do that more often.

i took pictures for my friend Sarah's wedding last week. it was a lot of fun and a lot of practice. (c: it made me look forward to school that much more and it made me wish i knew more right now.

keep praying for me. as evidenced by the randomness of this blog...i need it.