awake my soul

After months of anticipation, Whitney, Erin and I finally got to hear the fantastic Mumford boys live.

It. was. fantastic. I mean...ridiculous fantastic. There are no words.

However, as someone who enjoys taking pictures, I can provide you with at least 1,000 {click for larger view}


silhouette

Ben . Marcus

Ted

Winston


If you'd like to see more...

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did i mention that i love autumn?

also...less than a week till mumford {swoon}

.what sarah said.

"It’s not that we have to quit this life one day, it’s how many things we have to quit all at once: holding hands, hotel rooms, music, the physics of falling leaves, vanilla and jasmine, poppies, smiling, anthills, the color of the sky, coffee and cashmere, literature, sparks and subway trains... If only one could leave this life slowly!"
— Roman Payne


In the vein of doing things outside of one's comfort zone and taking risks, I'm going to do something I do rarely and get a bit personal. And by a bit, I mean a lot.

I saw the quote above yesterday on my google homepage (yes, I'm a nerd and I get daily literary quotes) and it produced a pretty visceral response from me. While lovely in it's prose, it struck a nerve to the point that I actually wanted to talk about it on this forum. I don't know to what extent anyone else has dealt with death and loss, but I do know that not a single one of us is immune to the harsh reality.

I think I have a unique view of loss (or losing someone) in light of my father's condition. Watching someone you love slowly deteriorate is not something I'd wish on anyone. Ever. It's not something I can talk about (or write about) with ease, but I'm beginning to understand the necessity of facing the messy reality and embracing it...pushing thru it rather than letting it control what I do and don't do.

From an outsider's perspective, I've had to watch my father lose things that were important to him slowly but surely. I had to watch the devastation when he could no longer manipulate his hands to play his guitar. I watched as his ability to walk went from short distances, to across the room, to 2 steps to non-existant. I watched him lose his ability to scratch his nose and his ability to feed himself. Most recently, I had to watch as he came to terms with losing the ability to eat at all and I watch as he struggles to keep his ability to speak.

I struggle with the selfish need to want my father around and the task of letting him go. Losing him would be difficult, but we could at least start to heal; a new wound every day is beginning to wear my resolve.

I for one would be relieved at the loss of everything all at once.

Fear is just a four letter word

The lovely Emily Jane wrote a blog recently on facing your fears. She has taken a huge step in facing her fear of singing in public and has started taking lessons. She went into it with much trepidation but came out of her first lesson with unexpected confidence in her abilities (you should read the story in her own words, it's pretty awesome).

I too, have a huge fear of singing in public. In my car, in the shower, in my room...never a problem. But ask me to sing you that song that is stuck in my head and I'll just spout words. With encouragement from some of my friends, I have been participating in the choir at my church and have been enjoying it a lot, but singing in a group is safe. No one could pick my voice out of the crowd and I took comfort in that.

I had a bit of a wrench thrown at me this weekend and was challenged to confront my fears. I was scheduled to play the bass this weekend and we actually had a really low-key kind of set up planned; it was essentially an "acoustic" set with just Jason leading and playing guitar, Chelsea singing harmony and playing rhythm guitar and me on the bass. As we were practicing today our sound guy, Sean, pointed out that the particular song that we were doing would be better with 2 back ground vocalists. Jason just looked and me at said "I'm cool with it if you're cool with it." At first I wanted to cop out and try to convince them that Chelsea's voice was enough, but Emily's situation popped into my head. I'm never going to move forward or improve if I don't take the risk of doing something completely outside of my comfort zone regardless of my chances of crashing and burning.

Practice went okay despite a few fumbles trying to get used to singing and playing at the same time, and Sean, Chelsea and Jason were very encouraging...but I was still literally shaking; I felt like it was so bad that everyone would be able to see my hands shaking.

Walking out on the stage before service kind of felt like a death march and starting the first song was almost agonizing, but after we made it through the first song I started to relax a bit and I just let the music flow. The second song was easier and by the third I was feeling pretty good. It wasn't until the third song that I realized that my microphone wasn't even turned on. Nice work, Steph. It just goes to show you that sometimes we worry for nothing.

We have 3 more services tomorrow and I'm actually looking forward to tackling the nerves. If I mess up, that's just a lesson learned, right? Right.


It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Lions and Tigers and Tyrannosaurs, oh my.

another list from McSweeney's that had me giggling like a little girl.

8 REASONS WHY A TYRANNOSAUR CAUGHT IN A TORNADO IS A FUNNY THING TO THINK ABOUT

1. The tiny flailing arms

2. The helpless "RARRRRRR!"

3. The angry, wild-eyed expression

4. That dinosaur with the sail on his back floats by and he's just crusin'

5. The landing

6. The Wizard of Oz music playing in the background. What an anachronism!

7. Tyrannosaurs inhabited the Western United States, an area of the country known for its heavy tornado activity. Statistically speaking, it is probable that the scenario in question actually happened at least once. In this, as in all enduring comedy, there is a grain of indubitable truth inside the humor.

8. "RARRRRRR!" Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! "RAAAARRRRRRRRRR!"

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I'm really brave...I had to get really close to this guy to get his picture.

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from today's photo shoot with jill.

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To sit in the shade on a fine day, and look upon verdure is the most perfect refreshment. ~ Jane Austen