My mom and I recently had a discussion about my current position in life and what I'm doing for work; I really, really, really dislike my job...really.
Working for an accounting firm is hardly stimulating to someone who tends toward the artistic. It's not that I'm not capable when it comes to a linear, black and white way of thinking, but I'm certainly not challenged nor am I motivated in this type of situation. I thrive and flourish in a creative setting.
The solution seems simple, yes? Find a job in a creative field. But for me, I don't think the answer is as simple as that.
I went to school for photography, knowing how much I love to use my creativity; why not make a carreer out of it? The problem I'm running into, however, is the more I make money with my photography, the more I loathe it.
There are plenty of photographers who make a living by using their creativity and while I'm sure some of them get burned out, I haven't heard of many who begin to hate the craft. I don't know...maybe I haven't spoken with enough photographers to get real insight.
The only conclusion that I can come to, at least personally speaking, is that I feel like I'm prostituting my emotions. Sounds severe, but let me explain; my creativity (i.e. photography and writing) is my emotional outlet. I know this is the case for most (read: all) artists, but being that I'm bad at expressing my emotions, it tends to be my only outlet.
So, I'm stepping back from photography...at least as a career. It will continue to be something that I create and share, but I can't continue doing it for a living...at least at this point in my life.
I've been writing more lately, even posting a little on my writing blog (tho it has tended toward the severely depressing lately). When my mom suggested writing as a career, it made me cringe just a little; writing is just as much (if not more) of an emotional outlet for my emotions as photography.
So, back at the drawing board, I think I'm going to go back to school. Physical therapy is what I'm continually drawn toward, but I want to be sure...I don't want to go to school yet again and have it come to naught. My personal situation has given me a unique perspective on care-giving and I know that it's something I could be good at; at least I could come home from work with a feeling of accomplishment. That's the main reason I hate my current job; I feel like I haven't contributed to the world around me.
I don't like that feeling.
3 comments:
I love that you're open with this part of your life. I have struggled with the EXACT same situation. When I went back to school YET again, I thought to myself, "Please don't let this be another thing that I decide not to do for a living!"
Fortunately, I got lucky on the 8 gillionth go around, but even if I decide not to teach anymore in the next few years, I won't feel like my educational endeavors were worthless. There's something to learn in every experience.
You learned that you're a creative person with your last degree and you gained skills to follow a passion! Now your job is to find a job that nutures, but doesn't exhaust, your creative side. Remember, creativity isn't just art and writing. You can find it in any job that requires generating unique problem solving skills. I have found that I have to be more creative as a teacher than I ever had to be as a photographer!
Good luck! Something amazing will fall in your lap, I know it!
lovemaura
Okay, you should seriously stop reading the ticker tape of my brain.
I completely understand what you mean. Like, exactly. I'm even looking into the Therapy (Art) schooling route.
I still struggle with the professional photographer question, especially since I have so many photographer friends. But the bottom line is that shooting weddings stresses me out. It's not fun. And I feel ridiculous charging so much money for it... but I'm not taken seriously without charging that much. Oh, geez.
Maura - Thank you for the encouragement!! and can I say that I'm so happy that you're a teacher? We need more people like you teaching the minds of the next generation. (c:
Lauren - but your ticker tape is so interesting... (c; I would be lying if I said that weddings weren't a large reason I hated working as a professional photographer. Oh, geez is right.
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