.resolution.

I'm not really one for new-year's resolutions; this should be apparent in that I should have been talking about resolutions 4 weeks ago.  That isn't to say that I'm not into resolutions in general.  I think there's something to be said for resolving to improve oneself, I just think a "forced" resolution at the beginning of every year is just a recipe for failure.

That being said, I've been in the mind-set of resolutions lately because I'm in a strange place of self-discovery and change.  The past five years have been difficult and the vast majority of my mental, emotional and physical energy was wrapped up in my dad and his illness.  I don't regret the time, nor am I bitter about having to put parts of my life up on a shelf.  The choice was mine and I'd make it again in a heartbeat.

But that's not what this is about.  This is about me trying to make some changes...

I was inspired a bit by Micah and her recent post in which she honestly and openly shared about how she is reacquainting herself with herself during a time of significant change.

In addition to that, I have just started reading a blog by Andrew Arndt and the most recent entries are dissecting the Lord's Prayer; breaking it down to it's individual parts to explore what God's intention for our prayer life is.  It's not for the faint of heart, but it's been really eye-opening and supremely challenging for me; I'd recommend it highly.

One thing that really stuck out to me as something I personally struggle with as I began to read about the purpose of prayer, was selfishness.  On the whole, I wouldn't consider myself a selfish person; I typically try to think of other's needs before myself and I'm happy to give anything I can to help anyone out.  I think what I struggle with is self-centeredness. 

It's easy to do in this age of social media.  If I post something to facebook, I get excited about that little red notifier that says that someone liked what I said, or responded to what I said; I love getting responses, retweets and follows on twitter; I love getting responses to my blog.  Is this awful?  No.  Of course it isn't, but for me, it constantly draws my attention back to myself; what I said, what I did, what people think of me...  If that makes any kind of sense.  I kind of find it ironic that tools that keep us socially connected mostly serve to appease our narcissism.

Unfortunately, in this day and age, we're wired to be self-serving.  Maybe that sounds cynical, but it's what I see.

So, I'm making a resolution.  Not to stop using social media, but to change my focus.  To look outside of myself and my little universe.  To listen more.

Here's to shutting up and listening.