don't worry, i won't take your picture. i'm just going to flash you.

i had a blog up, but i felt like i needed to re-write it. not sure why. hopefully, those who do actually read my blog know that i'm a slacker and didn't already come by and read the randomness that was here.

so...where to begin. i just got back from denver. i had the wonderful opportunity to go home for just a few days for thanksgiving when i had previously thought that it was an impossibility. it was nice. but it was hard. i needed a few more days. or a few less. i couldn't quite decide.

i'm in this weird fragile place right now. that's hard for me to admit. but school (yeah, school) has broken me down so much in the past few months that i've been here that i don't have stock of my usual ability to mask my emotions and just get on with life. i'm starting to think that i've got to deal with some things in my life, or i'm just gonna crack.

but here i am. in a place where i don't really know anyone on a level that i'd trust them with what i've got. i could talk to people at home, but it's different when you're 2,000 miles away. and when the few that i trust so implicitly are going thru their own struggles and mine seem...insignificant.

but here i am. second guessing everything. i have had this overwhelming fear that i will fail at this. that my time here is a waste and i'm doing nothing with my life. just postponing it for a while...i second guess who i am and where i've come from. i second guess my support system. i'm back to that place where moving anywhere is a petrifying thought.

but then i have to sit back and see what is good.

i had a conversation with sarah last week about my self-portrait. she was just amazed by it. couldn't say enough good things. but me...you know me...i had to put her compliments down in my head as just someone who is my friend who appreciated the effort that i put into the project and she was just complimenting THAT rather than the actual final piece. but it wasn't until we actually sat down and talked about it that i understood that she got it. she got it more than i did.

i wanted a portrait that would incorporate a lot of who i am in a way that people who don't know me would understand, but would also mean something personal for those who DO know me. i chose to shoot my hands. partly to avoid shooting my face, but mostly because those who know me know that i love hands.

going along with things that i love, i decided to use words... but, being in this weird place made me not really want to reflect on myself, so i called on my friends and family to help me. I asked a few people close to me to suggest words that they associate with me. they were all really helpful and i managed to get a shot that i could appreciate aesthetically and compositionally.

but when sarah was so moved by it, i just didn't get it. after me trying to explain my process to her, and maybe try to explain away some of her appreciation for it, she just floored me with her conclusion.

she reminded me that who we are is sometimes not easy for us to see or admit, but that we need the people around us to be reminders of who we are. my self portrait actually shows who i am through the eyes of those who love me.

and isn't that really what a true self-portrait is?

sixties good?

ahhh...so much to write. we'll see how much i get out.

i went to see matt nathanson last weekend in northampton. he was so much fun to listen to and he might have been the most hilarious performer i've seen. plus he had 'flight of the conchords' playing just before he came on the stage. i might have been the only person in the room to actually know the song, but it made me happy to hear it and i sang along. classic.

ingrid michaelson opened for him. she was sweet and funny and quirky and talented all rolled into one. highly recommended.

melee also played. they were alright, but they seemed like really good musicians still looking for their sound. i hope they find it. they're talented enough.

i'm enjoying school a lot. we got our phase one final project this week. it's crazy. crazy i tell you. crazy. want me to say it again? crazy. but i'm looking forward to the challenge.

one of my absolute favorite professers, Zide, gave a lecture today on personal projects and it got me to thinking about doing some side work to keep my creative juices flowing. for some reason, 'weird signs' was all i could think of. maybe i'll do a series. if you're bored, and you feel like it, please make suggestions...i'd love to hear what you think would make an interesting series of pictures. (c:

ok. so this was random. and short. but look...i wrote a blog. smile. it's a good thing.


and because i love you...and michael zide...you should go look at his website (www.michaelzide.com) especially the 'fine art' section...but really, i'd encourage you to look at all his work. he is quite amazing. plus he's an excellent professer. and hilarious. seriously, he makes me smile every time i see him.

this is an inviting enviroment...now get the hell out!!!

didn't i promise at one point to put up "things i learned this week" on a regular basis? yeah...i think i did. and it's apparent that i haven't really stuck with that. bad me.

well. here's something.

- f2.8 is the best aperture. ever. and the 35mm lens makes me happy. and yet. the 35 doesn't open to f2.8. hmmm.

- i miss mountains. never thought i would.

- being a model is hard. and it sucks.

- dropping a $20,000 piece of camera equipment is a bad thing.

- i could easily live alone.

- i miss my friends. so much.

- massachusetts is a bad place for mexican food.

- i still don't know what i want to do.

we're friends because it's vertically convienient

so, i'm sorry that i've been bad about the updates here but things have been a bit on the crazy side. school is exceptionally busy, but i'm so happy to be here and i can't wait until we get out of the basics and into the fun stuff! ...but even the basics are pretty fun. (c;

the cameras that we have (mamiya 645) are quite cool little (and by "little" i actually mean freaking-ginourmous) pieces of machinery. it has a removable back, enabling the camera to shoot with medium format film, digital and polaroid. for these first few weeks of school, we have been shooting on medium format chrome film. it's pretty cool because after it's processed, the "negatives" are actually not like your typical negative. first off, since it's medium format, the film strip is larger and the picture is actually a positive, or a transparency...so if you put it on a light box, you can actually see what the picture would look like as a print.

while this is really cool, and it's made me think about my shots a lot more (cuz I don't want to waste any film) i miss the ease of digital and i have random people asking to see my work but with the film, it's just more difficult. but this friday we get the digital back for the camera (woo!!!!!). i'll definitely be able to get a lot more shooting in and i'll be able to share stuff with everyone.

in the mean time....here's a pic of the new "toy".


here's a view with the back removed (that's the film back...the digital back is aprox. the same size)


i hope everyone is well, and i'll do my best to update more often. (c:

what's a rotary?

So, as you all know by now, the mom and I made it into MA by last Friday without any major snafoos. But to those of you interested in the details of the trip, well then….you get a blog. (c:

I thought it’d be cool to mark those “important” moments on the trip by taking note of the mileage on the odemeter (kind of like a stardate for you star trek geeks). And of course, “important” mostly means amusing or ridiculous or “look, we just passed into another state”. Also thrown in are some revelations/conundrums/general wonderment. Hope you’re not too confused.

Some of these may be a bit ambiguous, but I hope they’ll be at least mildly entertaining….

59600: We start the journey east on 76. Albeit, quite later than expected…but we’re girls, give us a break.

59684: Fields of yellow flowers as far as the eye can see.

59701: The road is quite ridiculous and we wonder where in the world our tax dollars are going.

59877: We spot an elderly lady totally jamming in her car. We make suggestions as to what it could be that she was getting into. Gangster rap, maybe.

59877: We finally see our tax dollars at work…on the other side of the highway.

59891: Port-a-potty in the middle of nowhere. When you gotta go, you gotta go.

59894: Potty break #1 (trust me…it was significant). Plus, a gigantic ice-cream cone. Heck yes.



And to make the stop even better…we spy a dead bird.



...it was no coincidence that I was wearing the fantastic shirt that whitney gifted to me as a going away present. seriously. best present. ever.



59895: We are mooned by a hitch-hiker. Well, technically we were plumber-cracked by said hiker…hey mister, most people just use their thumb.

59897: I begin work on my right arm. That is to say, I stop driving and start tanning on the other side. My left arm was getting a little red.

59898: Reposition of the butt-cheecks. That should be fairly self explanatory.

59899: Nebraska State Line.

59989: Hugegantic cross.



60077: Building in the middle of the freeway…that turned out to be a bridge.





60135: Crazy cool moon.



60235: Giant outlets. Need to plug something in?

REVELATION #1: Nebraska is not that bad…

60274: Iowa State Line.

60318: Modern Rest Area. As opposed to the Archaic Rest Area?

60368: Stuart the giant propeller. No kidding.

60385: De Soto, IA. Where John Wayne was born. Who knew?

60425: Des Moines…could be worse…could be Kansas.

60432: Creepy gigantic billboard: “JESUS the Adult Super Savior”
……okay…..awkward much?

60439: PT Cruiser starts riding us like a 2 bit whore. Seriously, jerk…get a better car if you’re going to be an ass.

REVELATION #3: Iowa is pretty…you just have to get away from Des Moines.

60453: Kellog?? Like the cereal?? Must know….need more crap in head…

REVELATION #4: Iowa = Land of “corn towers”…also known as “silos”…just don’t tell Steph it’ll just confuse her.

60487: Sign: “Belle Plain What Cheer Center” ….what????

CONUNDRUM #1: If Cowboys wear cowboy hats…what do tiger trainers wear?

REVELATION #4: Since tigers are mesmerized by shiny things, then Sigfried and Roy must have invented the bedazzler to make tiger training easier…Therefore…Elton John would make a great tiger trainer.

REVELATION #5: Iowa City: Where the old people gather (easy on the spices, Chuck)

60589: Illinois State Line

REVELATION #6: Hiding things in your shirt is a bad idea.

60757: Indiana State Line

REVELATION #7: Illinois is not impressive…and it stole my shoe.

60765: Child molester alert. Seriously, a freaking huge billboard with a picture of a sexual offender.

60862: One more for the po-po…another large billboard informing us of what a child molester looks like.

60862: Bright moon + low fog = beautiful.

60914: Ohio State Line

REVELATION #8/ CONUNDRUM #2: If there are so many trees in Ohio, thus extra oxygen…than why is everyone so slow?

61076: We realize that the lady at the Holiday Inn was lying when she said that Toledo was “right off the highway”…unless it moves at night.

61090: Holy Toledo! We’re in Cleveland!

61092: Holy Toledo!! We almost died just then!

REVELATION #9: The one on the right is the accelerator

61125: Old men. We make a stop in Akron, OH and stay with my grandpa and my uncle.

...they had cute kitties.



61132: Something’s afoot at the Circle K…and it ain’t speed.

61144: Stupid yellow jeep lady.

61148: Boycott the rest station!!! Semi’s are people too!!

61169: Stupid birds.

61191: Poor Bambi

61201: A clean rest area. What a concept.

61236: Pennsylvania State Line

61283: New York State Line

61313: Mom mistakes a curb for a driveway and blames Dunkirk.

61315: I pledge allegiance to the…mobile home?

61335: Apparently the world goes dark when you use your windshield wipers…or at least NY does.

61390: Niagra Falls: A good place to poop.



61398: We are flipped off by a jack-ass. Yep. We’re in NY.

61659: Amazingly large…and orange…moon.

CONUNDRUM #3: If Canada is ours to discover…then why do we need a passport?

61689: Need a vacation? Let’s go to Slingerland!!!

61720: Free highway!!!!!

61728: Awww, CRAP!!! It only lasted 8 miles.

61729: Massachusetts State Line

61748: Apparently MA is low in sodium…it’s MA light!

61755: “Now entering Blandford”…thanks for the warning.

61793: Massachusetts is nice and the toll booth guy is rad.

61844: Just realized that we’ve driven about 20 miles and didn’t record the journey’s end mileage…but don’t blame us, we were confused by the rotary.

We am here.



And just because I love you all…well, maybe it was because I was bored…but here are the new slogans for each state we drove thru. Minus Colorado…you all know Colorado.

Disclaimer: these are journey specific. Some of these are perfectly lovely states, I’m sure, but not all of them were for us.


Nebraska: Not as bad as Kansas.

Iowa: Silos. It’s where they go.

Illinois: Are you kidding me?

Indiana: Get your change out, girls.

Ohio: We’ve got oxygen…and we don’t believe in signs. Or driving well.

Pennsylvania: I hardly knew thee.

New York: Stop it with the tolls already!

Massachusetts: It’s about damn time.