true.

I think that my recent graduation has prompted me to think more about where I’m going and how I fit into this life back in Colorado that has changed so much in just a year. Indeed, it’s even brought me to think more on who I am.

About a week and a half ago I had a conversation with Sabrina about how much things have changed since I went away. How much people have changed, or not changed or moved forward at all. And how I, having changed a great deal, fit into this new, yet familiar, world.

That night, after our conversation, I was going thru and reading blogs when I came across one that was very apropos. It was written by Gordon Atkinson (Real Live Preacher) and it spoke very much to my current thoughts and feelings. I won’t post the whole article here because of it’s length, but allow me to share with you a very important piece:
Whatever is true about you is true about you. I know that statement is absurd, but it works in the same way that “It is what it is” works. It is a good thing to say because we live in a culture that is heavily saturated with marketing, and it's easy for us to start thinking that what we say about ourselves is what's true.

It isn’t.

What is true about you is what is true about you. And no amount of denying and pretending and covering up will ever change that. Sure, you can fool people for awhile, but you are the sum total of all the things that are true about you. And what we’ve always said about God is that God knows the truth about us.

Saying that God knows us is a spiritual statement of faith, but the deeper truth remains whether or not you believe in God. What is true about you is who you are. You are not who you want to be. You are not who you hope to be. You are not the person that others think you are.

You are the person who is defined by what you choose and what you truly desire and what you really think and believe. That’s who you are. If you want to begin any kind of spiritual or metaphysical or personal journey, that’s where you should begin. You should begin by owning who you are.

It’s called spiritual poverty in our tradition. Jesus began his most famous words with this innocent sounding but profound statement: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.”

If I was only allowed to keep one verse from the New Testament, that would be the one.

I would recommend reading the whole thing if you have time (http://www.reallivepreacher.com/node/249)

All of that to say that this blog prompted me to think about the things that make me…well, me. And using Gordon’s blog as a template, I was able to come up with a few…

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I break tortilla chips before I eat them. I don’t know if it’s compulsion, or chemical imbalance or the fact that tortilla chips are too huge in my opinion, but it’s just what I do. The only other idiosyncrasy that I have, as it pertains to food, is that if I eat more than one French fry at once, they must be the same size.

Whatever that says about me is true.

I love hands. I think they say a lot about a person, and (besides teeth) is the first thing I notice about the opposite sex. I, however, do not like my own hands.

Whatever that says about me is true.

Birds scare the ever loving crap out of me. Most people believe this fear is irrational, but being that I was attacked by an evil bastard of a bird when I was 10, then watched Alfred Hitchcock's “The Birds” (in 3-d no less) when I was 13, I think my fear is perfectly logical. For some strange reason, chickadee’s do not scare me…maybe because they do more bouncing than actual flying.

Whatever that says about me is true.

I love the rain. Love it. Some of my best memories took place in the rain... Playing soccer in Africa with 20 beautiful children in a warm autumn shower until I was soaked completely. Walking downtown in the rain after a Damien Rice concert with one of my coolest friends, Alicia, just talking about life and music and hope. Running alone with my thoughts and needing assurance that things were going to get better when God brought a cooling shower to remind me of His presence.

The scent of rain in the air never ceases to make me smile and I secretly hope that on the day I get married, it rains.

Whatever that says about me is true.

Music is a huge part of who I am. There are songs that I can’t listen to anymore because they remind me too much of someone or something in my past that I’d rather not remember. Music can lift me up when I’m down. It can transport me to places that now only exist in my memory and to places that I’ve never been. A song can easily make me smile. And just as easily make me cry.

Whatever that says about me is true.

It takes a great deal for me to trust people. It also takes a long time for people to get to know me beyond the surface and to earn my friendship. The walls I’ve built are high and difficult to scale and I think I’ve missed out on friendships with some wonderful people because of my defenses. My only saving grace is that once someone has gained my friendship and trust, it may be even more difficult to lose.

Whatever that says about me is true.