...

i’ve learned this week how much i’ve really changed.

on Sunday, a friend of mine said something to me, and while he was being totally honest and not trying to be hurtful, he completely crushed me. maybe the fact that he was just trying to be honest and what he said was truth to me, it hurt all the more.

but it wasn’t what he said that prompted this little rant, it was how i reacted. the fact that i did react.

i fancy myself a pretty laid back person, and even more than that, i internalize everything and rarely, if ever, let my emotions show. i think most of my friends know this about me and are used to me never reacting outwardly to anything negative said about myself or those i love. so on sunday, when i did react, it took him and sabrina, who was there with us, by complete surprise.

sabrina even called me on it, saying that she didn’t really like the way that I had handled the situation. but, then after we talked about it i think she was just more taken back by the fact that i’d said anything rather than just sitting back and pulling away.

i’m not happy with the way that i reacted...but strangely satisfied with the fact that, without thinking, i expressed my feelings.

i guess now i just have to learn to share said feelings in a constructive manner, eh?